What I am about to write is far from new, it is actually quite closer to cliché: parenting is HARD. Single parenting...well, is there a new word we can coin for this? FUHARD. Catch my drift? But this post isn't about that (not to say I won't wax on about the hardships and the joys, the resentment and the triumphs at some point or another.) Today is about facing the realities and learning acceptance, but more importantly it's about finding kindred spirits a.k.a. a support system in any way shape or form. I have been reading Drea's blog since I was pregnant and facing the reality that I would be doing the bulk of the parenting on my own. The internet founded me many others who I could relate to, as life has since. Sometimes seeing the amount of women who are unintentionally single moms hurt my heart--but as the saying of the year (or of all time) goes-- "It is what it is." After yesterday's post, the current air of life, reading the comments from Drea's post today, and then finding this post about the wrenching aspects of single mamahood I thought it important to address the need to feel connected. I remember Addison's father telling me (while I was pregnant) that I was never alone because I had a baby with me always. His method of comforting me and offering me solace for his being largely absent did two things: it overwhelmed and made me realize that one doesn't need to be alone to feel lonely. When you are responsible for the care of another individual, you don't really feel like you are with company per se. There are days that it just gets lonely. I am Addison's caregiver and as much as she fills me with so much joy (it can be almost unbearable) it is also a job and like many jobs, it is often our colleagues that provide us with the kind of camaraderie necessary to make the days more meaningful. When parenting feels like a burden, or at least like the world on my shoulders I think of other parents, particularly other moms, and even more specifically other single moms, as my teammates. We are all partners in the game of raising lives and hopefully we are all in this to make those lives outstanding.
Mamas and papas-- it may not always offer you the comfort you need, but we are in this together and MORE IMPORTANTLY, you are in this with and for your child (or children). We are unsung heroes who get all the glory (hard won as it may be). There are times I have gotten so full of resentment I want to spit (and seriously, spitting is my ultimate pet peeve...or one of them) but there are times I seriously feel like a ROCKSTAR from the feats I manage to accomplish ALONE. There are days I feel like it/I /everything is not enough...but then I also realize, I am all my daughter needs provided I am whole and full of love. For everything beautiful I see in my daughter, I know that I am the water, the sun, the soil behind her blossoming. There are others who provide some light too, but I am the one on my knees getting dirty every day, and I am also the one who gets to reap the harvest. Mind all of the lame metaphors, I love following the imagery in my imagination.
The key--remember to store up strength and seek community in any way--even for fleeting moments of inspiration. It is all fuel. When I get around to sharing my birth story (which the telling is a story in itself) I will also recount that one of my favorite memories was holding Addison moments after her birth, Animal Collective's "My Girls" playing in the background, and me dreamily scanning the many faces who were there rooting me on and supporting me into my transformation into motherhood. The universe imprinted me and 'told' me, 'you will never be alone.' From that moment to now, that sentiment gave me the validation I needed to keep my chin up, even when it all gets so heavy.
